VERNON: Previously on "Still The King"...
How 'bout that whole starting fresh idea
you were talking about?
Seems like you two got
a pretty hot and heavy weekend planned.
Couldn't ask for a better man to be my side.
Okay, I don't need a babysitter. I'm fine.
- You can trust me. - You said I could trust you.
Your mama is gonna be pissed.
This is it, Deb.
We get to role with the top stallions now.
Hope that doesn't make things weird between you and Reggie.
Let's not worry about Reggie tonight.
It's a special song I wrote about a special young lady.
I'm not gonna make you the biggest star in country music.
I'm trying to make you the biggest star in the world.
♪
Uh, it's getting late.
I should probably go home.
Oh, come on.
You're 21.
You don't have a curfew.
Do you?
Not since I was like 16, which...
which feels like a lifetime ago.
BOTH: [laughing]
Uh, guys, I know I said I'd
be designated driver tonight,
but this is getting kinda uncomfortable.
I mean, I can hear your tongues.
♪
[gasps]
Kinda pushing curfew, sweetie.
Phef! Curfew.
It's like five 'til.
Charlotte Ann Cooke, are you drunk?
No. Are you drunk?
- [crash] - Excuse me, lamp.
[door creaks]
Ah!
I guess you're drunk, too.
And high.
♪
♪ Still the king ♪
- [crash] - Excuse me, lamp.
She apologized to a lamp, Ronnie.
Yeah, well, you did raise a polite young lady.
Sober people don't do that.
♪
[whispers] Look, she wants water.
[gulping]
Do you want me to talk to her?
Oh, yeah, from the guy who's drinking a beer at 10?
We ran out of orange juice.
[sighs]
♪
What?
I'm afraid our daughter's a little too much
like her daddy, that's what.
How old were you when you started sneaking drinks?
Uh, Ruthie ran a tight ship.
So I was probably about... eight or nine, I guess.
One time she caught me stealing some of her rum,
so she made me finish the whole handle for punishment.
Which is why, to this day, I can't drink rum
without a little bit of cola.
Charlotte came stumbling in last night.
And I don't know what to do.
She's anything like me, that first hangover was just
about enough to put me off rum for the rest of my life.
- But it didn't. - Uh-huh.
Maybe that wasn't the best example.
I think we gotta make this the worst hangover in history.
- That's right. - Yeah?
Mm, I love the way your mind works, babe.
Mwah. Count me in.
Alright, Operation Sober Charlotte.
I'm gonna need a new beer.
Check.
And to find my vuvuzela.
If you'll excuse me.
You and Ronnie seem pretty cozy.
I didn't realize you all back together.
We're not back together... exactly.
When you all went away on that trip,
you all pushed your little beds together
made one giant sex bed, didn't you?
Vernon Brown, are you jealous?
Jealous?
I don't have a jealous bone in my body.
As a matter of fact, if you wanna be with Ronnie,
I'm happy for you.
Good. I'm happy that you're happy.
Pfft.
Rotate the dish about four degrees northwest.
- What? - This way. This much.
[electricity buzzing]
- Anything? - No. Wait.
No. Wait. No.
Come on. Either they're talking to you or not.
Maybe we need more aluminum foil.
- Can I put my arm down? - Yeah, okay.
Listen, Dale, I wanna ask your advice about something.
Shoot.
Hypothetically, you were a guy who liked a girl who just
recently broken up with another guy, how long do you think
that guy should wait before he asked the girl out?
Hmm. A Contopee Tribesman holds a piece of fruit
underneath his armpit for one full moon cycle.
He then presents this piece of fruit to a potential mate
to gage her interests.
Alright, let's assume that guy's not a Contopee Tribesman.
Two weeks.
But keep it cool and casual.
Groups of friends are good.
Like a Yeti tracking party?
No, man, like a movie, concert, games.
Games are good.
As long as it's not charades. I'm terrible at charades.
Sssh. No, I know, but don't say that.
So I forgot to ask you earlier.
I'm having a game night at my house tonight,
just like a group of friends.
Super casual. Keeping it cool.
Wanna come?
♪
DEBBIE: Morning, sunshine!
Or should I say afternoon.
It's almost 1 o'clock.
- Ronnie! - [vuvuzela blows]
You found the vuvuzela!
[vuvuzela blows]
Oh my God, are you feeling okay?
Yes, I feel fine.
Get your hands off me.
Oh, there's just no reason that you might be feeling
just a little under the weather today, huh?
[sighs]
Nope. Never better.
Because you know if you were hungover
from drinking last night you'd be grounded, right?
- [vuvuzela blows] - DEBBIE: Good.
Good thing I'm not then.
Good. 'Cause guess what?
You're coming to help me at work today.
[vuvuzela plays]
Come on, missy!
♪
What the... what's up with the dog-tourage out there?
Oh, that my friend, is my number-one moneymaker.
Master Frenchie.
Last video got over 5.5 million hits.
And every million hits, he wants a new rider in his contract.
You know how hard it is to find five blond chi-weenie groupies?
Very particular that one.
The only thing I ever had in my rider
was a case of whiskey, a bag of Columbia.
Two bags if it was a doubleheader.
[laughing]
See, that's exactly why I wanted to talk to you, man.
You have a reputation as a bit of a bad boy.
In a profession made up of alcoholics, adulterers,
and degenerates, that means a lot to me.
I got a brand-new client, and she's got the opposite problem.
Now, she's Goody Two-Shoes,
and she wants to dirty up her image a bit.
Well, what makes her such a Goody Two-Shoes?
No, no, not a Goody Two-Shoes, the Goody Two-Shoes.
From the show.
Okay, girls, looks like we got another crime to solve.
[stock audience laughter]
BOTH: Ready, shoes?
Start walking.
Oh, here we go again.
_
Cute.
Anyway, Regina Harper.
I'll relaunching her as a country singer.
And I just need to give her some of that Nashville cred,
you know what I'm saying?
Oh hell no, man.
I got stuff to do, man.
Like band practice, writing songs.
I'm trying to get my career back on track, man.
Which really, to be honest, is which you outta be focusing on.
I mean, you're sitting here trying to talk me
into babysitting some child star?
Oh, she's not a child anymore.
♪
If it's that important to you, I'm happy to help.
DEBBIE: Whew!
You used to think it was so much fun.
Oh, I just love this.
Oh, stop sign. Sorry.
- Are you alright? - Amazing.
Oh, is he going?
Is it our turn?
Is he going to... is it our... oh, is he going?
Oh, okay, we're good.
[tires squeal]
You'd go, "Go, swervy, Mom."
Go, swervy. Go swervy, Mom."
Deb, you think we can pull over?
♪
Here you go, baby. Drink some ginger-ale.
It'll make you feel better.
Um, could I get one of those?
Oh, what's the matter? Are you feeling queasy?
Nope. Actually, I feel fine.
[whispers] She's hungover as hell and won't admit it.
I'm gonna crack her.
- KAITLYNN: Is he hungover, too? - No, he's just carsick.
He's got a sensitive stomach.
Hey, sweetie.
Will you just sort through these bar rags for me
and just kinda figure out which ones smell rancid?
What's with the rags?
- I wanna make her puke. - Oh, yeah, you do.
I wanna puke just looking at that.
Oh, howdy, Deb.
I didn't expect you to be here.
I work here, Vernon.
Oh, I didn't know you was working today.
I hope this won't be too awkward.
Wouldn't want anybody to get jealous.
Jealous of what?
♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ Oh, yeah, yeah ♪
♪
MEN: [spitting]
Oh my God, there you are.
Mwah.
CHARLOTTE: Is that Goody Two-Shoes?
Oh my God, I watched your show like all the time as a kid.
Do you remember?
Do you remember the twins? Lucy and Lily Shoe.
You got a twin? Whoo-hoo!
Nope. Both me.
Regina Harper, by the way.
Not that anyone ever calls me anything but Goody Two-Shoes.
- Right. - Will you please do the thing?
- The... the ready, shoes, start... - I don't say that anymore!
[laughs]
So what are you kids up to tonight?
Oh, dinner, dancing, drinking.
- More drinking, more dancing. - Whoo!
Whatever the night calls for.
Whatever happens, I am up for it!
So how 'bout yourself?
What have you got planned with this one?
Yeah, well, okay.
I'll let you have fun with that.
We got a party to get to.
Come on, baby, let's light it up.
Hold up, hang on.
Oh, and don't forget to follow me on Instagram.
We got things to do, too. We're gonna, um...
- "Spider-Man"? - "Field of Dreams"?
"Flipper"?
Really?
- You're not doing anything! - "All Dogs Go To Heaven."
Oh, oh, "A River Runs Through It."
I think we have the same brain.
- Yeah! - That's five in a row.
He wasn't even running or making a river.
He was just standing there like a lump twitching his hands.
Get over it, guys.
Obviously Walt and I are just really...
BOTH: ...in sync.
[laughing]
Who's hungry?
I'm gonna get some more cheese.
Dale, take my turn.
[laughs and grunts]
"Mystic Pizza."
Uh...
"Are You There, God... It's Me, Margaret."
He's saying you should follow her to the kitchen.
Man, you really suck at charades.
Shut up, Terry.
RONNIE: Oh, sweet Jesus.
Well, it's been a while since we cleaned this.
Well, it's not gonna scoop itself.
Yeah, just get the scoop down in there, you know?
Oh, sweetie, we'll be here all day like that.
You gotta get some up in there.
I wish we had a bigger scoop.
You know, maybe just use your hands... and get... you know,
get all in the corners down in there.
That might be easier for you, baby.
What, you mean like this?
Yeah.
♪
Looks like there's some like chunks in there.
I can't believe people get paid for this.
♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪
[shutter snaps]
Okay, can you at least pretend
like you're having a good time?
Courtney says we've gotta sell this thing.
I'm sorry.
I guess I'm just thinking about something.
I think it's more like someone.
I don't get hung up on women.
Women get hung up on me.
♪
MAN: Come on, Kevin.
♪
So then I got out of jail.
I moved back in with Debbie and Charlotte.
And everything was great.
Then the other baby daddy came back from the dead.
And everything kinda went downhill from there.
Wow.
You gotta put some of this heartbreak into a love song.
It's a country songwriter's wet dream.
Nah. I've been kicking around some ideas about Debbie,
writing some things.
But I'm not really a love song kinda guy, you know what I mean?
I don't even think I believe in all that love crap.
Come on, Vernon. Don't be so hard on love.
Hard on love, now that's a smash.
Look at that, chill bumps.
Listen, just put your cards on the table.
Be vulnerable, tell her how you feel.
Any other options?
Come on, Vernon.
If you didn't love her, you wouldn't be you.
If I didn't love her, I wouldn't be me?
Ha! That's the title!
You're a genius!
Look at that! Double chill bumps!
Now let's make Debbie want you like it's 1992!
Come on!
♪
DEBBIE: You're not feeling well?
Just a quick catnap.
Oh, good, because I brought you a little something to eat.
[slopping sounds]
Mmm.
Yum, yum, yum.
[clears throat]
Delicious.
So... clammy.
Oh, she's good.
She's good, I'll give her that.
I gotta up my game.
Can't you just ground her on suspension alone?
- That's what parents used to do. - I know.
If you're really, really hungover, what is the one thing
you wouldn't be able to keep down?
- Booze. - Booze?
REGINA: [laughing]
VERNON: That water deep, too.
[laughs] Oh, yeah.
Alright, everybody!
Let's get this party started!
Tequila shots, all around!
ALL: [cheering]
Let's do this thing!
We're going Dutch, right?
You heard her, folks!
Come on up!
You know, when someone buys a round for the house,
it's bad luck unless everyone drinks.
Come on, that would make me the worst mom on the planet.
Look at her.
There's no way she'll actually be able to drink it.
I guess you guys had fun.
Oh, you weren't following us on the Gram?
Oh no, I wasn't.
Awh, that is so cute.
You know, maybe next time, if you hold the camera higher,
you won't get Vernon's double chin.
What double chin?
Well, let's try for a really good one?
Do you mind?
- No. - Thank you.
You know, Vernon, can... your chin's doing the thing.
- Oh, that's cute. - [shutter snaps]
- No double chin in that one. - Oooh, that's sexy!
Hashtag Nashville with my boo.
Hashtag hands off, he's mine.
So classy.
If you'll excuse me, I'm gonna put some tequila in front
of my underage daughter and hope it makes her puke.
Okay, you two have a really weird relationship.
Uh, did she seem jealous at all to you?
I don't know.
- It always worked on Bob. - Who's Bob?
Okay, I need to hit the little cowgirl's room.
Don't go anywhere, Verny.
Shots all around at the bar,
and it's bad luck if everyone didn't drink.
You know it's tradition to smell
a fine tequila before sipping.
[sniffs]
Oh, she is something else, ain't she?
Oh, she is really is something else, Verny.
Yeah.
Why don't you just admit you're jealous of that sweet,
young thang hanging all over me?
Why don't you just admit that you're jealous of the idea
of Ronnie and me together?
Ha! I'm not jealous of Ronnie.
- Holy crap, is that Bob? - Bob?
Oh my God, it's Bob.
Who the hell is Bob?
Hi, I'm Bob.
- [thud] - CROWD: [gasps]
Oh, here we go again.
♪
REGINA: Baby.
Oh, there's my naughty little girl.
[moaning]
Didn't he play her dad?
REGINA: Mwah.
Ooh, I saw you getting cozy on the Gram with this loser,
so I took the first flight out so I could beat his ass.
That is so sweet.
I know. I'm like a hero, right?
Mission accomplished.
Thanks, Vernon.
You're welcome.
Okay, baby.
I think we got a crime to solve.
Ready, shoes?
Start walking.
BOB AND REGINA: [laughing]
I'm really glad you guys came.
Yeah, it's great to get to hang out outside of work.
I mean, not work, but you know, the business of solving
the universe's mysteries.
No, it's cool to spend regular time with you.
Yeah, it is nice.
Reggie, what are you doing here?
We agreed that we were on a break.
And why are you all muddy?
I needed to see you.
I thought about all the good times we had and...
I wanted to get you flowers.
But they were closed.
Ended up buying these stupid balloons off of some dumb clown.
And my car died.
Which is just super sad.
And then I even did the thing where I fell to my knees,
and I looked up in the sky, and I yelled, "Why?"
Which is when I fell into a puddle.
[sobbing]
What the hell's he doing here?
I invited him.
It's game night.
God, I miss game night.
You hated game night!
That was back before I needed to impress you.
This is the new me.
Reggie, baby, let me get you a towel.
I got you these balloons.
They say, "Happy Birthday, Sam."
You tell anybody how deep my emotions are,
I swear I will kick your ass.
Okay. Looks like you guys need to work some stuff out.
I'm gonna leave you alone.
Hey, do we have any more rosé?
Okay.
Wow.
Just... wow.
Well, you know how much I like game night.
Mm-hmm.
What you want me to do, Regg?
Just tell me.
Just don't make me choose sides.
It's tearing me apart!
Kenny, get over here, you.
Uh!
♪
Mm, okay, fine, I was drunk last night.
And today, I'm extremely hungover.
And I even think about drinking that, I am going to vomit.
- Yes! - Yeah!
And that's how you do it.
Thanks to your sketchy parenting skills,
I do not foresee myself drinking anytime soon.
That's all I wanted was you just to admit it and be honest.
And suffer enough to make you stay away from booze
for like the next five years.
You know, it's pretty ironic that the hangover itself
was punishment, huh?
[laughs] No, you're so grounded.
Mm, I figured.
Well, can Ronnie drive me home so I can start being grounded?
No problem.
But we're gonna stick to the flat roads only.
I love you. Be careful.
Alright. Tootles.
♪
Boy, that damn Bob was just a quick little son...
That was a classic sucker punch.
Yeah.
Well, well, well.
Look here who is on Instagram.
Okay, fine.
I was maybe... maybe
just slightly jealous.
Now you finally admit you're jealous of Ronnie.
Ha.
Me? Jealous?
I told you, baby, I just ain't the jealous type.
So...
So... you'd be okay if he moves back into my bedroom?
Sure. Hell yah.
More the merrier, I say.
Get his ass out of the basement, more room for me.
Um, good.
I'll let him know.
Do that.
Uh-oh.
Damn clams ain't sitting too well.
♪
[vomiting]
MAN: Dude, you're gonna clean that up.
- Sorry. - Cool beans.
[vomiting]
[girl giggling]
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